Let’s create a frame of reference, let desires be at the centre and let our mind be tied to this centre. The centrifugal force of life then, is the outward acting force that applies on our mind as we undergo a rotational motion around the centre.

Our mind, tied into our desires keeps running in circles around the desires that are rooted right at the center of our mind. The more we run around them, the more the outward force that applies. It does get unbearable. Most of us successfully manage to find the equilibrium which exists on a thin boundary where the desires expertly balance us so that we don’t completely get thrown away tangentially.

Some of us get too enamoured by desire and fall into them while some of us get too sick of them and just lose them and get flung very far away.

Pity the ones who remain bound. For it is them who have to go through the agonising pain of being at the rim and going round and round in circles.

I am no different, yet waiting to fall in or to be thrown far away. Still going in circles. Completely aware that i am but yet with no understanding of how not to be.

Sometimes it would be nice if life would just stop interfering.

My faith has always been temperamental. Was it a need to account for my actions or more an ingrained barometer to gauge my sentient morality I don’t know. What i do know is that it has been shaken countless times and is crumbling now to the point of destruction.

It is not, any more, a question of whether i have it or not, whether i need it or not. But a simple admittance that i don’t want it.

If it is that we are to leave life to fate then why blame anybody for what happened or what will happen. If it is in fates hand then actions do not and cannot determine cause and effect.

But then i don’t believe in fate – never have.

So what else is left? karma?

Why does karma matter? Life’s a bitch and it will always do what it wants. Karma, the way i understand it is – As you sow, so shall you reap. But is “Karma” aware of this?

It is also said that what will be … will be. Do what you have to and don’t worry about the consequences.

Why is causality such a big thing? If each of our action is an isolated independent unit then why do we make such an effort to link them all to find meaning. Why is meaning so important?

I don’t know where am i going with all this.

Suddenly there is a contradictory urge to find meaning and at the same time to not care two hoots about meaning.

Life happened. And i wasn’t ready.

Questions don’t satisfy the thirst any more … answers are no longer necessary.

I read an old post of mine again, and it echoes true even today

What happens when the questions just remain questions and the answer, even though present, isn’t an answer?

What happens when all you see in the void are vestigial fragments of a once delirious vision, floating in the murky waters of a fragmented conscious?

What happens when life lets you down? Am i permitted to banish life from ever interfering with my existence?

I don’t believe in giving up, I have always affirmed that I would rather try and fail than not try at all.

But why? Why is trying so important? If ambitions, aspirations, dreams, hope and life itself is transient then why the attachment to all these? Why the overwhelming urge to achieve something? Why the rush to get somewhere?

Why do we yearn to collect the proverbial bounty at every stage on our journey through life?

Not Any More.

These here are my actions. I must acquiesce, for i am their initiator.

What if, at times … it just doesn’t seem to be worth the search?

What if in the echoing silence all around there are screams of chaos? What when, the silence is more deafening than the screams?

We fall, stumble, get up and dust ourselves and march on with heads held high … for how long? Sometimes the march itself is aimless. What happens when you are moving in circles?

What happens when axioms remain just that … axioms, but are eventually no closer to the truth than truth itself. What happens when the hollowness is all ensuing and omnipresent.

What happens when reflections are empty and all you see is the void. What if the presence of the void is scarier than the void itself?

What happens when things that matter run through their shelf life?

What happens when the questions just remain questions and the answer, even though present, isn’t an answer?

What happens when all you see in the void are vestigial fragments of a once delirious vision, floating in the murky waters of a fragmented conscious?

Sometimes … It takes so much more to sit and watch the world go by.

With Due Credits to Bill Watterson and His Magnificent Creation: Calvin and Hobbes

]]> http://bhowmikshah.com/blog/2009/09/untitled/feed/ 3 http://bhowmikshah.com/blog/2009/07/sick/ http://bhowmikshah.com/blog/2009/07/sick/#comments Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:39:41 +0000 bhowmik http://bhowmikshah.com/blog/?p=208 Chicken Pox ….. is not a pleasant thing!!!

My first reaction when i heard that i had Chicken Pox was one of mild excitement. I haven’t been this sick for quite some time so i was mildly excited right after stepping out of the Clinic.

That was 5 days …. and the excitement lasted all of 30 minutes. I hate being sick. I hate staying in bed not able to do anything. I hate this enforced resting period

Apparently its still only halfway through so the pox is still playing finely with my body. Looks like it’ll take me the better part of next week to recover.

I never thought i’d hate staying in bed so much. 

But then you come across incidents that reaffirm your faith in humanity and then again something happens that completely shatters your belief in the same quality.

I guess its also relative to the context you are looking from and how you see people. Its all relative to what you want out of the interaction and do you get it or not. If yes then its great and if not then its crap.

The only thing i can deduce or learn is that there’s a lot of jerk’s out there and there’s decent people out there each of us has our share of the freaks we are going to bump into. As long as we stop judging people frequently and stereotyping them we should be fine.
Its all about limiting expectations.

But then again how can we not have an opinion. Isn’t it the easy way out – Get what you need/want and then move on without pondering too much about the specifics – Isn’t that a very selfish (for lack of a better word) way to pass through life?

Oh dear … One of those early morning philosophical outbursts … pardon me for the grief